Many things have changed in the dating world in 2017. The idea of dating more than one person at a time is embraced much more readily than a committed relationship (leaning toward marriage) is. Ask yourself this: Do you find yourself moving from person to person trying to figure out why it just doesn’t work? Does it seem like it’s going well and suddenly it’s over?
This is often the case with women. Some women deal with what I call the “turnover” much more frequently than men. Why is this?! Is it because men are often observant and less emotional when it comes to a connection?
I’ve discovered that men fall into love. Typically, it just happens rather than them searching for it. However, women are about the conquest! They tend to say, “I’m not dating unless all the credentials are met, the qualifications are checked, and the expectations are there and exceeded.” This puts pressure on you and can affect you opening up to Mr. Right.
Here are six ways you can change your mind-set to make your relationship work and eventually find love.
You’re likely talking too much. Sometimes as independent, ambitious women, we talk a lot about ourselves. You’re more than your accomplishments when dating someone; they want to know you, not your papers.
1. You’re moving too fast.
It’s probably not a good idea when you meet someone to start with the “What do you want in life? How many kids? When do you want to be married?” routine because for you it’s in the next six months! The reality is both of you are grown and each likely have the expectation of settling down. It’s a well-known fact! Ease into those conversations. Don’t mention them within five days of meeting someone. He may be worthy of that conversation, just don’t get into it right away.
2. You’re too complex!
We have to learn how to be simple! Everything isn’t complex or critical. It’s okay to be chill. Try not to bash and bring up too much of your past. Of course, people need to know where you’ve been to get to where you are in the present and understand where you’re going! But bashing your ex, living in the past, and constantly mentioning or comparing it, screams you’re not over it.
3. Do your insecurities show?
Often, we think we can mask our insecurities. Truth is, certain actions and conversations are giveaways that you’re insecure, no matter how much you say you aren’t. This is true about what you wear and how you carry yourself when you’re out. There’s no action you can do that can cover up broken behavior. Asking too many questions about other women, and being codependent and clingy are red flags that should be addressed.
4. Are you clingy?!
In all honesty, we’ve all been there. You get so excited because it’s going well, the vibe is nice, the chemistry is nice, and then you find yourself texting him ALL the time—even initiating the calls. As grown-ups, we want to have conversations; however, self-restraint is necessary. When dealing with people, you simply can’t display the constant desire to make contact until you’re an item. It can come off as codependent. You know, those texts that say, “When I talk to you it makes me so happy.” Nope! We as women have to maintain a level of the discreet. It sounds odd, but giving too much too fast as well as showing too much too fast can be scary.
5. Are you broken
This is a real question you have to consider. Do you find yourself running into people who are your lesser? Dealing with challanging people? Allowing others to walk all over you? Or simply tolerating what you know you shouldn’t? You may have a self-love issue. This will require you to really evaluate you and why you’re failing in relationships. It’s something people know is true but don’t address.
6. You two are just not compatible.
Sometimes you simply meet and attempt to mingle with the wrong person! It’ll never work. Just because you have chemistry or the vibe is good doesn’t mean you’re going to be compatible. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth. It’s imperative to know your strengths and weaknesses and whether or not it’s going to work out with someone based on their background and conversations.